HOW TO BE YOURSELF
I've met very few people in life who were totally comfortable in their own skin and didn't care about how they appeared to others around them. It's a rarity to see someone just simply be themselves at all times and without any self-doubts or discomfort. They have this totally casual, entirely relaxed attitude to life that I'm so drawn too and it's something I wish everyone, including myself, to be more like because it's an amazing level of confidence to have. That sort of attitude will take you places in life, through the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
So many people in this world just can't accept who they really are and inside there's a constant battle going on. I'm totally guilty of being one of those people and those kinds of people have a very critical mind. Most of us will have experienced it at some point in our lives and some never have the strength to put it to rest and move on. But it's not something to be ashamed of either, being yourself takes courage, resilience and a conscious effort of being mindful. If you struggle with confidence like me then admit it, don't hide behind it and don't feel embarrassed that you're uncomfortable with who you are at times but get working on changing those thoughts and how you feel.
As I've gotten older I love more of myself than I did before and not in a vain way. I've just accepted more of myself, personality and all and I think age and life lessons have taught me to not care as much. But I still struggle with it, if not in my personality then definitely in looks. I'm so darn lanky and nerdy looking but this is who I am and I'm not going to change it for anyone (see, acceptance!)
"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself" - Coco Chanel
Today's post is completely inspired by this beautiful quote I put up on my Instagram several weeks ago. It moved me deeply, inspired me and I kept thinking about it over and over again until I finally sat at my computer and started typing up my thoughts. I knew I had to start writing a post to inspire self-confidence and a passion for being who you are, rather than a fictional version that wants to impress others, whilst sharing my own struggles.
HOW TO BE YOURSELF
The obsession with thinking about how everyone else lives their life, looks or dresses has to stop. You have to focus on yourself instead. Find a mirror and have a good look at everything staring back at you and decide that it's better than what you see on social media. YOU are all that matters, not everyone else. Stop thinking about how perfect everyone else is and turn that focus onto yourself.
Stop with the self- criticism...
It's easier to complain than it is to compliment. It's easier to look in the mirror and find what's wrong rather than what's right. Stop insulting yourself constantly it doesn't serve any other purpose than to feed and breed more negative thoughts. It's time to find the good, speak out the good and accept it all, even if you're really loud or super shy.
Stop looking for perfection...
It doesn't exist, it's not real, it all just fantasy, trust me on this one. I thought it was achievable when I was younger but when you get older you soon realise that it's all lies and that's not negativity, that's just the honest truth. No those girls aren't perfect with their amazing contour, false lashes and sky high heels. No that guy doesn't have the perfect body with the perfect job and no that business woman's car, house, kids and life aren't either. Everyone has problems, nobody is perfect so don't waste your time trying to find it or even be it.
Stop trying to impress...
It's such a waste of time and energy trying to make people like you, well, the person you're trying to convince everybody you are. I don't know about you but I'd rather people saw the real side of me and liked or disliked that, than a fake imitation of what I want to impress people with. Of course when your confidence grows your ability to just accept the fact that not everyone will like you, how you dress, live your life or agree with your opinions will become less of an issue. Let me save you a lot of heartache in the long run, impressing people is a short-term, depressing and stressing effort that could be spent in time to learning to just be you. If I were you I'd work on that, rather than impressing people who don't even matter.
Start taking care of you...
A lot of the time when we're low in confidence and we don't love ourselves like we should, we neglect ourselves both mentally and physically and we just check out. But when we're trying to accept who we are, we should really start looking after ourselves, that includes our diets, beauty habits and attitudes to the world and other people. See a therapist, go to the dentist, pamper yourself, get your hair cut and reward yourself often by treating yourself to your favourite things (donuts and clothes are a fine example I think!). We start to treat ourselves so much better by doing this because we learn to care for our bodies and mind and it then all starts to matter to us. So take care of yourself, nobody else can do it like you can!
Practice self-love everyday...
I don't want this post to be another wishy washy, life advice post that comes across as self-righteous or preachy to others but this particular thought co-ordinates with the last one. We have to love ourselves, we have to make ourselves happy and I'm the happiest I've ever been with myself because over the past several months I've practiced self-love. I spend more time taking care of everything physically and mentally than I ever have done before. I'm more confident and content with things I radically wanted to change years ago. I still get days when I just can't deal with things as I'd like to but I'm loving myself in a way that I never did before.
Find your style...
This one can take years to accomplish. When I think back on some of the things I used to wear and the make-up I wore, I absolutely cringe. But I was experimenting, changing my style and learning what I liked myself wearing and how comfortable I felt in different styles. Do you like bright make-up or contoured and smokey? Do you prefer jeans or dresses? Find it, run with it, it will do amazing things for your confidence and in being yourself.
Spend a lot of time on your own...
My final thought is one that's not easy for a lot of people to do. It's something I never thought I could do when I was younger but I now spend more time on my own, doing my own thing, looking after myself and getting to know what I like/dislike than I do with others. Don't get me wrong, I don't alienate myself from my friends and family, I just dedicate time to doing things for me, by myself. It awakens you to who you are, what you want in life, how you think about things, you're dreams become more apparent and ultimately you get more comfortable in your own skin. You don't feel the need to rely on people to make you happy or give you confidence because you know how to do that best. You should be your own best friend at the end of the day and it's actually really good to be a loner sometimes.
I always say there are two sides to every person, the one we see in public and the one behind closed doors. Be the same person you are in public and private and learn to love who you really are inside and out! Be inspired by this post into accepting yourself and living your life how you want too. It's all a process and it will take time but eventually, with practice, you'll get to a point where you just won't care about what everyone else looks like or how they live their lives but more about who you are, how you feel and that frankly there's more important things in life than looks.
I hope this post didn't come across as preachy or being self-righteous because that's not my intention at all. I'm not encouraging you to be selfish but to fall in love with yourself enough to just be who you are.Self confidence is your armoury for life!
I wish you all an amazing day, don't let anybody rob you of the person you really are inside or out and forget about perfection because it's just fantasy, it's not real or achievable but being you is more than enough, personality and all.